Thursday, April 26, 2012

Halloween thoughts

I am pretty sure that I have watched the original Halloween around 50 times this week. And each time I watch it the more I love it and the better it becomes. With that being said, I have discovered some things about the film that I feel could have been avoided. Here I will share them with you. (FYI this is all in good fun. This is my favorite movie EVER and had these things actually happened in the film there wouldn't be a movie.) Enjoy!
#1- At the beginning of the film, poor little Michael is outsde, all alone. At the age of six. Um, who does that? I know in fim number six they say that the old wowan across the street was supposed to be babysitting him and he "wandered" off. But really? Had someone just gave the kid a little bit of attention then *maybe* his sister would still be alive today.
#2- When Mikey decieds that its time to flee the crazy house that he has been in since he was six (because no one wanted to pay attention to the little fucker), he clearly has long hair. You can see it when he jumps on the back of the creepy station wagon that reminds me of the thing I used to ride to church in with my Gma and Gpa Baty circa the 1990's. But at the climax of the film when Laurie manages to remove the mask and we get a glimps of his real face, his hair is short. Did he stop off at the barber shop before his reign of terror?
#3-Little Lindsay Wallace is a bitch. If that little heffer had just said "Okay Annie. I'll ride with you to pick up your boyfriend so you can have premarital sex," then I think the movie would have had a much different outcome. For starters, in the original films, the only kids that Michale has ever gone after to kill have been his niece and his nephew/kid. Yes, he did go after the kid in part five, but I believe that that was a diversion. Anyways, like I was saying. Had Lindsay gone with Annie instead of throwing a fit and going over to Tommy's house, Michael would not have gotten in the back seat of the car and strangled/slit Annie's throat. He would have let her live to play another day. At least until she got back to the house with Paul and they fucked, thus breaking Randy from Scream's rule #2 and getting killed off anyway. This leads me to...
#4- Linda and Bob are getting it on. Why she chose a man named Bob I will never know, but its whateves. It was the 1970's in a small town. You got in it where you could. Anyways. The phone, the phone was ringing. The phone, they weren't right there. They were worried that it was going to be Lindasay "The Bitch" Wallace's mom and dad and Annie would get caught letting teenagers use their house like an old school Bunny Ranch. Not the case. I'm sure it was Paul. I would almost bet my HP movies on it that it was Paul. He was calling to see where the eff Annie was. Oh, wait! That's right! Annie is dead. Somewhere in the house mind you because we all saw Mikey carry her body in. Had Linda asked Bob to answer the effing phone they would have known that Annie never showed up to get him. Then maybe Linda and Bob would have gone across the street to where Laurie was and been all like "Hey Laurie. Annie never showed to pick up Paul. We're kinda freaked out. Maybe we should call her daddy who BTDubs is a cop." But no. They decided to keep on fucking. And thus, Bob is dead, and we all get to see P.J. Sole's tits for two seconds.
#5- Where the FUCK did Mikey get the sheet?!? I mean in Rob Zombie's we see that Bob was wearing the sheet first (I'm assuming Rob Zombie always had this question as well). I mean, did he go searching for a linen closet until he found an all white sheet? We saw how well that worked out for Geena Davis and Alec Baldwin's charaters in Beetlejuice. They had to use flower shit. So, Mikey finds the closet. Now what? He goes on a search for sisscors? Does he use his knife? I'm confused. This guy must have been like the male Martha Stewart or some shit. Anyways. It is pretty clever though. And funny. "What's a matter? Can't I get your ghost Bob?"
#6- Was it socially acceptable to leave kids alone while babysitting in the 1970's? Because Laurie does. And we have already seen from scene one of this movie that old people do it as well (or older sisters, depends on how far you follow the movies). Dear parents of children of the 1970's, You might want to check with your children and all your old babysitters to see how many times they were left alone and how often people fucked in your house.
#7- How come in the whole damn movie, Michael doesn't miss his mark one time with his sister (and he was only six), with Annie, Linda or Bob, but he misses not once but SEVERAL times when trying to kill Laurie? Did he smoke some of Annie's weed? Drink some of Linda and Bob's beer? Or was he tired? WTH Michael? You know Dr. Loomis wouldn't have had a chance to shoot your ass if you had just followed through with your approach in the creepy ass closet/bedroom at the Wallace house. Laurie would have been killed, there would be no guns fired, Dr. Loomis may have never found you. You could have been able to be a regular citizen again. No one except for Loomis really knew what you looked liked. You could have gone off to a small town in Texas and lived a peaceful life.
#8- Michale, why the eff didn't you paint the station wagon when you were getting that hair cut? Again, Loomis would not have found you and you wouldn't have been burned in part two, shot with an oozie in part four, captured and shot with tranqs in part five, beat the living shit out of after having posion stuck in you in part six, stabbed the shit out of in part seven, and burt the fuck up in part eight.
All in all, I love this fucking movie. But these questions have set heavy on my heart since I was five. Yes children, I was five the first time I saw this movie. I'll be 27 soon. That's 22 years of watching this movie, and it still scares the living shit out of me.
"If you do that they'll see him on every street corner; they'll look for him in every house. Just tell your men to keep their mouths shut and their eyes open."- Dr. Sam Loomis
Anyone down for a Halloween marathon?

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